The Outsider

pg. 108

There were two other things I was always thinking about: dawn and my appeal. I’d try to be rational though and not think about them any more. I’d stretch out and look at the sky and force myself to take an interest in it. It would turn green and I’d know it was evening. I’d make another effort to divert my thoughts. I’d listen to my heart. I couldn’t imagine that this noise which had been with me for so long could ever stop. I’ve never really had much imagination. And yet I’d try to envisage a particular moment when the beating of my heart would no longer be going on inside my head. But in vain. Either the dawn or my appeal would still be there. And I’d end up telling myself that the most rational thing was not to hold myself back.

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