I stood in the bath. Water half way up my shins. In the dark. Leaning against the wall with my head out of the window. I watched the sun set for what felt like an endless oblivion. The breeze cooled my hot body and slowed by racing heart. I zoned in and out while my eyes focused and un-focused, pulling objects near and far. Attaching and detaching from the present. The sky changed from roaring red to dulcet grey until finally there was no more sun. No more light. The tiny orange lights around Ally Pally lit up like a row of fairy lights in a secret garden, leading to the heart. A turning plane, soaring silent like a bird in the distance, peaceful. I lay down in the dark until the water went cold and thought about what I wrote to you over and over. How will we ever get past this now?