you’re too young to die.

dad said something about us all being stardust
so maybe that’s you now?
or maybe you’re swirling.
i want to believe in something other than darkness forever.

i imagine you as a feeling
i imagine you as the feeling of sudden elation
you’re synapses
you’re things i’ve not even heard of.

you’re the smell of babies and fresh hedges
you’re my heart feeling like it’s about to explode with sadness
you’re my chest expansion
you’re your accidental death and my wish more than anything to rewind time and say, “please, don’t”.

you’re the empty voids i stare into now while i experience elevated existentialism
you’re my life changed forever
you’re too young to die.


Stardust (draft 1)

Another night in the Midlands after a heavy weekend of drugs

and you are there to catch me in fresh bed linen, a square meal and cups of tea in bed.

Reminds me – You were there to catch me when I learned to ride a bike. One hand a foot behind my back.

Very little is said about the past, now we talk about the future.

You bring it up like it’s around the corner, crack open another bottle of gin and talk about big things like we’re going down in a plane crash.

Listen, I still can’t bring myself to tell you how much heartache you caused while we bounced between three houses more than a decade ago.

When you disappeared we scooped her up, brought her back from the edge and guided her back to the light.

You’re welcome.

In my experience people who talk about death feel it coming

Feel it’s weight heavy on the brain.

You cried once when you had cancer

Even those who struggle to open up do one day

What’s it really worth now anyway?

At some point in the future you’ll just be stardust.

You’ll be chairs, paper, hair follicles, cotton; twinkling, burning, drifting. Ephemeral.

I look around the living room and feel weightless on the sofa.

You gulp down the remainder of your gin and switch the TV on.

Brian Cox and his Wonders of the Universe

As we watch the swirling beautiful world in silence

You turn to me and say,

“We are all stardust. You. Me. That sofa. Everything.”

Kid Wise – Hope

I don’t even know where to start with how beautiful and inspiring this video is. The soundtrack is phenomenal; starting much like Shane Carruth’s soundtrack from Upstream Colour – dark, pensive and driving – eventually resolving into an upbeat, melodic and youthful anthem. To me, it sums up an adolescence full of confusion and often despair; of learning the ropes with the opposite sex and of yearning through unrequited young love.